In the media these days there is a lot of talk about sex education in schools. Obama recently ended all government funding for abstinence based education. This news has made me think about my own experience with sex education. At the time I thought that I knew everything I would ever want to know about sex but now that I have actually had sex I realized that I was dead wrong. Sure, my school taught me about every disease and STI you can get when you have unprotected sex. And yeah, I learned what the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy can be. But there is A LOT more to it than that. Below is a list of 10 things I have learned since I became sexually active.
- How to actually have sex.
Yeah, I learned that sex happened when a man put his penis in a girl’s vagina. And oral sex is when a person puts their mouth on someone’s genitalia. I specifically remember my mom asking me if I knew how to have sex. I said no even though they had already taught me this in school because until I had sex for the first time I couldn’t fathom how you were supposed to put the penis in the vagina. I had no idea how to make those body parts fit together. And I was disappointed when my mom gave me the same information the school had. My first sexual partner and I were both virgins for my first sexual encounter. It literally took us nine tries to figure out that in the missionary position I should put my legs up. I couldn’t walk for two days!
2. Women can have these things called orgasms and they feel AMAZING!
Why do schools leave this out? What would be so wrong about telling girls that their bodies can achieve orgasm? I had been masturbating since before I could remember and still didn’t know that I could have an orgasm until my first serious boyfriend made it point to try to give me one.
3. How to put a condom on a penis.
I remember the first time I opened a condom. My thoughts? “Why is this thing wet? Why is it rolled up like that? Which way does it go? Does the wet side go on the penis or the drier side?” I answered the last question with trial and error.
4. Butt sex is a thing people enjoy. And not just gay men.
It took me a long time to figure out that men had anal sex. I figured that gay men enjoyed a lot of touching and oral sex. After I learned that there was anal sex I at first assumed that it was enjoyed only by gay men. Nope! People of all sexualities can enjoy anal sex and many do.
5. If you are a woman you will be rejected for sex.
When you are in middle school and then again in high school and college girls are told that we need to dress modestly in order to not “give boys the wrong idea.” If we wear a short skirt or show our bra straps boys might think we are open to having sex. And when you “tease” a boy and then say no bad things happen. The truth is that boys have complete control of themselves. They are not constantly horny. They can and do occasionally say no to sex.
6. If you are a woman then your first time doesn’t have to hurt.
It is true that for many women their first time hurts. It is true that it is possible that it will hurt. My first time didn’t hurt. I actually enjoyed my first time more than the boy I was with enjoyed it!
7. Boys don’t always orgasm during sex either.
If you have been having sex for two hours and nothing is happening for him then it is time to call it quits.
I am sure that the above list doesn’t cover everything my school left out about sex but these are the 7 biggest things I have learned on my own. I am also sure that other people had different experiences than mine. The thing I am hoping you take away from this list is that there is a lot of room for improvement in all types of sex education in schools, particularly around non-heterosexual sex. Hopefully, now that schools can no longer receive government funds for abstinence only education these improvements can begin in earnest.
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