Check In Number One: Am I Making Progress?

On the 29th I wrote a blog about starting over with my after school routine. I wrote about wanting to exercise, write, and spend more time with Garrett. I wrote about trying to shake myself out of this awful rut I seem to have fallen into.

Well, today is Wednesday. I have done three workouts. This is an improvement.

I do not feel better overall though. I am just as exhausted and drained as before. I am not napping though. I have been able to avoid passing out by keeping myself busy right up until bed time. My schedule looks like this:
School 6:30-3
Writing 3-4
Workout 4-5
Shower 5-6
Dinner 6-7
Time reading and/or with Garrett 7-10

Then I fall asleep immediately and very soundly. I feel like not napping all day long is also an improvement. It is a step in the right direction in terms of having a life outside of my job.

I have only cried once since Sunday. And I am not sure if those tears count because I hit my hand on the coffee table and sobbed. Only some of the sobbing was because of physical pain. This is better than it has been.

I am still waking up nauseous every morning. This morning I gagged and thought I was going to puke. I didn't. This is about the same as it has been.

This is my second blog post for the week. This is an improvement. I haven't done any reading this week. This has stayed the same.

My conclusion is that I haven't been doing this long enough to know for sure if it is helping me feel better. I need to continue and see how I am feeling at the end of the week.

I have received many, many messages of love and support from friends, family, and coworkers. These messages are very much appreciated. I love you all very much.

Starting Over

 September of 2015 all the way through February of 2016 has been very difficult for me.

I am a teacher and I started at a new school in September. So far this school year has been the most challenging ever. Most people say that their first year as a teacher is the most challenging. This year is even more difficult than that.

I have come home and cried more often than not. I leave work every day more exhausted than the last.

I have met many wonderful people and had many wonderful experiences in the past 6 months but overall I find that I am worn out, run down, exhausted, frustrated, fed up, heartsick, and overall, plain old unhappy.

I have found that during the school week I have entered a lethargic state. I wake up, get ready or work, work, come home, sleep, eat, watch tv, sleep, and then repeat it all the next day. On the weekends I clean the apartment and cry. I call my mom a few times a week and cry. I talk to Garrett about my feelings and I cry.

Last night I decided that I was done. Enough is enough. Yes, this year has been tough. And yes, my job has gotten increasingly difficult as the school year has gone on. But guess what? I have a lot of other wonderful things going for me. I have an amazing husband who has listened to me whine, bitch, complain, and cry for months now. I have a wonderful family that just wants me to be happy and would literally do anything for me at this point to put a smile on my face even if it was just for a little while. I make good money and am able to pay my bills. I am getting a tattoo. I am seeing the Red Sox play the Yankees. I went to Boston and spent an epic day there over February vacation. Garrett and I are planning a trip to Disney this summer. I have an apartment that I enjoy. I am getting published for the very first time.

I need to stop crying. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. Yes, this job is hard. And yeah it isn't going well right now. But the job should no longer be my entire life. Garrett and I want to start a family some day. I need to start to have a life outside of my work if that is ever going to happen and now is the perfect time to get my shit in order.

And so I am done crying. I am done bitching and moaning.

I am starting over. Monday-Friday I will work 6:30 am to 3 pm. Then I will write from 3-4. Then I am going to exercise, take a shower, and start dinner. After dinner I am going to read. Then I am going to snuggle with my husband on the couch and watch our favorite tv shows together. There will be no complaints. There will be no excuses.

I have never needed to have a life outside of my job more than I do now. I have never needed to take care of my physical and emotional well-being as much as I do now.

So I am going to start. Right now. Today. No more excuses.

Writer's Block

I am trying to come up with an idea for a novel. I am so stuck. I have a few ideas but they aren't fully fleshed out. I can't think them through to their conclusion. Or I have characters but I am not sure what their conflict is. Or I have an opening scene in my head but I am not sure where the scene leads to. I have too many missing pieces. I try to outline the story but then it feels ... not like me. Not true to me. Or too juvenile. Like I don't have a theme.

This is incredibly frustrating for me.

I have only once written a story through to the end. And that story was partly autobiographical. I had something I needed to get out of my head. Something I needed to work out on the page.

The things I need to work out these days are more difficult. I am not sure how to write them down. Or where to start.

Maybe if I could write those things down I would have an easier time?

Things To Look Forward To

Since Thanksgiving I have been in a funk. I have been depressed and negative about the world. I spend most of my time sleeping. That is when I am not working.In order to break myself out of this I am trying to focus on the things that I am looking forward to. 

First, I was looking forward to Christmas vacation an seeing my family. Then I was looking forward to February vacation.I had an AWESOME February vacation. That first Saturday I went out dancing with some ladies that I work with. Then the next day was Valentine's Day so Garrett and I had a wonderful date night. I saw dad and my brothers on Monday. Then I cleaned Tuesday. Wednesday I saw mom. Thursday I went out to lunch with Mel, Chad, and Jaylynn. Then Friday I cleaned up the apartment some more and hung out with Louis that night. The next day we went to Boston!

Boston was so much fun! We went to Dave and Busters. Then we walked around Quincy Market before getting dinner. After dinner we went to a dueling piano bar. Then we saw an improv comedy show before driving back. Sunday Garrett and I had lunch with dad, Michelle, Cory, Kennedy, and Dan. We were sore and tired but it was worth it. 

Now that February vacation is over I am looking forward to the next exciting things in my life. I have been asked to go out dancing with my work friends again on March 12th. Louis is trying to get together with Garrett and Chad to play games so Mel and I might have a girls day. Then there is April vacation. That is when mom and I are going to get our tattoos. Then in May Garrett and I will be returning to Boston for our Red Sox vs Yankees game. 

The most exciting thing is going to happen after the school year is over. Garrett and I are going to DISNEY in FLORIDA!! I will be going out of New England for the first time. I will be riding a plane for the first time. I will be going to Disney for the first time. We will be celebrating both my birthday and our first wedding anniversary while we are there. 

I am trying really hard to keep my focus on these things. If I don't then I know that I will be sucked back into the vortex of being depressed. I have a lot of great things happening in my life. I shouldn't be so .... down. Yes, I am constantly exhausted by my job. And yes, I have a lot of bad days at work lately. But I also have a wonderful life outside of there. It needs to take up more of my focus and attention. 

7 Things No One Ever Taught Me About Sex

In the media these days there is a lot of talk about sex education in schools. Obama recently ended all government funding for abstinence based education. This news has made me think about my own experience with sex education. At the time I thought that I knew everything I would ever want to know about sex but now that I have actually had sex I realized that I was dead wrong. Sure, my school taught me about every disease and STI you can get when you have unprotected sex. And yeah, I learned what the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy can be. But there is  A LOT more to it than that. Below is a list of 10 things I have learned since I became sexually active.

1. How to actually have sex.

Yeah, I learned that sex happened when a man put his penis in a girl’s vagina. And oral sex is when a person puts their mouth on someone’s genitalia. I specifically remember my mom asking me if I knew how to have sex. I said no even though they had already taught me this in school because until I had sex for the first time I couldn’t fathom how you were supposed to put the penis in the vagina. I had no idea how to make those body parts fit together. And I was disappointed when my mom gave me the same information the school had. My first sexual partner and I were both virgins for my first sexual encounter. It literally took us nine tries to figure out that in the missionary position I should put my legs up. I couldn’t walk for two days!

2. Women can have these things called orgasms and they feel AMAZING!

Why do schools leave this out? What would be so wrong about telling girls that their bodies can achieve orgasm? I had been masturbating since before I could remember and still didn’t know that I could have an orgasm until my first serious boyfriend made it point to try to give me one.

3. How to put a condom on a penis.

I remember the first time I opened a condom. My thoughts? “Why is this thing wet? Why is it rolled up like that? Which way does it go? Does the wet side go on the penis or the drier side?” I answered the last question with trial and error.

4. Butt sex is a thing people enjoy. And not just gay men.

It took me a long time to figure out that men had anal sex. I figured that gay men enjoyed a lot of touching and oral sex. After I learned that there was anal sex I at first assumed that it was enjoyed only by gay men. Nope! People of all sexualities can enjoy anal sex and many do.

5. If you are a woman you will be rejected for sex.

When you are in middle school and then again in high school and college girls are told that we need to dress modestly in order to not “give boys the wrong idea.” If we wear a short skirt or show our bra straps boys might think we are open to having sex. And when you “tease” a boy and then say no bad things happen. The truth is that boys have complete control of themselves. They are not constantly horny. They can and do occasionally say no to sex.

6. If you are a woman then your first time doesn’t have to hurt.

It is true that for many women their first time hurts. It is true that it is possible that it will hurt. My first time didn’t hurt. I actually enjoyed my first time more than the boy I was with enjoyed it!

7. Boys don’t always orgasm during sex either.

If you have been having sex for two hours and nothing is happening for him then it is time to call it quits.

I am sure that the above list doesn’t cover everything my school left out about sex but these are the 7 biggest things I have learned on my own. I am also sure that other people had different experiences than mine. The thing I am hoping you take away from this list is that there is a lot of room for improvement in all types of sex education in schools, particularly around non-heterosexual sex. Hopefully, now that schools can no longer receive government funds for abstinence only education these improvements can begin in earnest.

Men Can And Do Say No To Sex So Why Don’t Women?

My husband and I were cuddling in bed when he made a comment about how my hair smelled like smoke after spending the day at my mother’s. I asked,

“Is that why you don’t want to have sex with me?”

He was silent. After a while he answered,

“I am silent because I want to say it is because I have work in the morning but I know that answer will make me a hypocrite because we stay up late all the time to have sex when you have work in the morning.”

My husband and I have talked about this before. When he wants sex we have sex. It doesn’t matter if I am sick or tired or stressed or not really into it. It doesn’t matter if I have work in the morning and would rather go to sleep early. It doesn’t matter how I am feeling I never turn him down.

However, there are times when he says no to me. And he is not the first man to say no to

me.

The biggest lie our society tells us is that men want sex all the time. It is because men are sex crazed animals who can’t control themselves that women are raped. Wrong.

Men can control themselves. Their sex drives are not greater than ours.

My first sexual relationship was with a boy I had met in college. I remember that for the first year or so after we started having sex we had sex quite often. After a while though it became more and more clear to me that he was not as interested in sex as I was. He was happy “doing the deed” once a week while I wanted it every day. I thought for sure that we could find some happy medium if only I was more assertive about my wants and needs.

I thought that maybe my kissing, touching, and sexy outfits were too subtle. It wasn’t until one evening where I was literally on top of him attempting to undress us both while kissing him that I realized the truth. I was not too subtle. I was making myself perfectly clear. He was turning me down.

It was then that I started keeping track of all the times he turned me down. Every time I initiated sex he turned me down. The only time we had sex was when he wanted it. When he initiated it.

And what’s more was I had become so used to the idea that the only time we would ever be having sex was when he wanted it that I never turned him down. If I was sick, if I was tired, if I had to work the next day, if I didn’t feel like it, I still said yes. I wasn’t sure when the next opportunity would arise. I wasn’t sure how long it would be before he wanted it again and if I turned him down now then I would only be even hornier later.

Eventually I pointed this all out to him. And that was when our relationship began to unravel. My sex drive was higher than his and that “made him feel like he wasn’t enough of a man” for me. He felt inadequate. You see, our society doesn’t just lie to women about a man’s sex drive. It lies to men too. A man who doesn’t want sex isn’t a man at all.

This boyfriend dumped me. At this point in time I entered into a friends with benefits situation. For a while this worked. He and I both greatly enjoyed sex. But after a while I realized that yet again he did all of the initiating. If I invited him over for a booty call he declined. If I made the plans for when we would meet up he would cancel. The only time he and I had sex was when he wanted to have sex. Apparently only men can make booty calls and only women can answer them.

Now I am married and I feel lucky that my husband doesn’t always turn me down for sex. He likes when I initiate. He likes when I crawl into his lap and start taking my clothes off. He says that it makes him feel wanted and that when I do that it is very clear to him what it is I want.

But I still find that when he rejects me it hurts. I still find that every rejection brings up old wounds. I lay in bed at night and wonder, “Why doesn’t he want me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not attractive to him anymore?”

Tonight though I thought about something else. Why don’t I feel I can say no to my husband? Do I like sex more than him? Do I simply feel guilty when I rejected him? Or is it something more than that? Do I subconsciously believe that a good wife should never say no? And why do I always assume that there must be something wrong with me when my husband says no? I am a feminist!

Tonight I have realized that my experience with being rejected and my experiences of never turning sex down have much more to do with our society and its expectations than it does with me. Our society has always perpetrated this idea that men are the initiators of sex because they are always looking for the next opportunity to get laid. So by taking control of my own sexual urges and asking men to satisfy them I have inverted this idea. And this made two former lovers feel inadequate.

At the same time that our society teaches us that men are always on the hunt, it teaches us that women that sometimes we must sacrifice our own wants and needs for others. Currently this is the part that I am trapped in. I am still sacrificing my own wants and needs for my husband’s. Every time I say yes to him when I want to say no I am putting his desires before my own.

I am not saying that women need to stop putting their loved ones first. I am saying that we need to stop doing it all the time. Our partners will live if we say no to them every now and then.

Holding My Tongue

I have been sick. I have had a bad cold and I have felt completely and totally drained of all energy for the past few days. I have come home, laid down on the couch every evening and slept until I had to wake up to eat, and do whatever else I needed to do to survive. I have not felt like moving my limbs to get up off the couch.

And so this is my first blog post this week. I am sorry. I feel like I have some pretty bad writer's block because I didn't write at all this week. Now I want to write but I can't seem to get started. I haven't got any topics to write about. I suppose it is because this cold and my job are on the forefront of my mind every day. I can't write about my job.

I spend most of my days and many of my evenings thinking about my job but I can't write about it. It is utterly frustrating. There is a lot I would like to say but not a lot that I can say.

It is a form of holding my tongue. And when you are a writer who works things out by writing them down that can be hard to do.

Maybe I should write it down somewhere less public, just for me? Maybe I should keep a paper and pencil journal. Maybe I should say nothing at all.

How To Make Friends When You Are No Longer in School

When I was in high school I had a lot of friends and I found it easy to meet new people. When I was in college I spent most of my time with my then boyfriend and so I didn't make a lot of new friends, but I did manage to make a few. Now that I am an adult with a full time job I find it much more difficult to make friends. So I did some research. According to the internet here are the best ways to make friends when you are an adult not attending school.

1) Meet people at work.

This one seems easy! Especially if you are like me and you spend 50-80 hours every week working. The difficulty here is that you may find that the people you work with vary greatly in age and may not have the time to spend with you nor similar interests.

2) Meet people through a hobby (Examples from the internet include conventions, painting classes, hiking clubs, etc)

This one makes sense too. Go do something you like and meet people there! Of course, my hobbies include reading, writing, and working as a teacher(yes I did just list my job as a hobby, look above it takes up enough of my "free time" it should also count as a hobby, right?). These aren't exactly things that are easy to make friends doing.

3) Try the app Meet Up.

This is a very cool concept. You type in your interests and the app tells you about groups that meet up on a regular basis to do activities that you might enjoy. This is great if you live in a city. If you live in a small rural town in Maine (Ahem, this writer) you might find that there are no meetups in your area.

4) Volunteer.

This one also makes sense. You volunteer at the local food shelter and make friends with people who care about the same things that you do. Obviously this works best if you have free time.

5) Take a class.

This is intriguing to me because I like to learn new things. I could see myself taking a photography class or something. However, it costs money. And requires a lot of time and energy. 

6) The internet.

Loads of people meet every day on the internet. I don't know how they do it. But they do. I wish there was an app for people who just wanted to find friends. I tried to download a few. I met a lot of men who wanted to have sex with me. So... apparently we have created hookup apps and dating apps but no friendship apps yet(unless you count meetup, see above).

7) Go to things that you are invited to.

This one is super easy. Wait until someone invites you to something and go have a good time. Of course, you have to get invited first. ... Do you guys get invites to things?

Teacher Exhaustion

When I come home at night all I want to do is make dinner as quickly as I can so I can eat and then sit on the couch until bed. If I could skip the part where I sit on the couch and just immediately crawl into bed after dinner every night, I would, but I can't. 

I have a husband who needs me to be present. I have friends who live out of state who I text every night. I have this dream of being a paid writer which I am trying to indulge. And so... I make myself sit on the couch with Garrett and stay awake as long as I can. More often than not I fall asleep at least once some time around 7 or 8. 

At 10 pm I drag myself to bed and fall asleep immediately. 

Every one tells me I should work out because I will have more energy if I do. I wonder at their ability to stay standing after they come home.

People say that I should eat better. Some days eating at all seems like a chore. Some nights I ask Garrett if I can skip dinner and go to bed. He is the reason I eat at all.

In the morning I struggle to get out of bed. At least two alarms go off before I open my eyes. And then I lay in bed for at least 15 minutes willing my limbs to move. I often skip breakfast so that I can get a little more sleep. Luckily, I take my vitamin D in the morning and it usually kicks in it right as students are arriving. 

I sleep well. I always get at least 7-8 hours of sleep which should be plenty. I don't wake up repeatedly at night. 

At least one night every week I almost fall asleep standing up, cooking dinner. This is usually followed by an extreme bout of crankiness where I want to punch (I don't, but I want to) every one and every thing that stands in the way of me and my bed. This week this level of exhaustion arrived on Tuesday. 

One time I fell asleep in the car after pulling into the driveway.

I have been thinking about this exhaustion a lot lately. Is this what other teacher experience on a day-to-day basis? Is this what other professionals experience? If it isn't what others feel, then why do I feel like this? And if it is how all other adults feel, how do you overcome the exhaustion so you can work out, take night classes, have second jobs, raise a family or etc?

Things That Drive Me Crazy

1) Working all day while my husband is at home and coming home to dirty dishes in the sink, stains from cooking on the stove, and the kitchen table covered in trash.
2) Being hungry and yet knowing there is no point in starting supper because the dish you need is in the sink, dirty.
3) Waking up in the dark every day and not arriving home until after the sun has already started to set.
4) Friday afternoon meetings.
5) Doing paperwork and then not needing the paperwork after all.
6) Cat food all over the floor.
7) Water all over the floor.
8) Cat litter all over the floor.
9) Empty soda cans every where.
10) Being so tired that I might just fall over standing up but not going to bed because you need to have supper and take a shower first.
11) Knowing that writing this list is only making me more tired and more grumpy.

The Power of Words

I have been thinking today about the power of words.

When I was a kid one word from my mother could break my heart or send me soaring like a bird through the sky.

When I was older I struggled to find the words that would make me seem more normal and less like an outcast with the other kids.

When I was very little I loved when my grandmother read to me. I knew that if I could unlock the secrets behind each strange symbol on the page then I could sen myself on a thousand journeys.

And once I did, once reading finally clicked for me, no one could stop me.

I remember browsing amongst the stacks with my grandmother on Sundays. We would whisper in hushed voices about which books I would borrow. I could never pick just one and would often return home laden down with 5, 6, or 7 different books. I would finish them in the week and return them the next Sunday. I could never get enough of the words.

And when I found poetry I knew that I had found the most profound, truthful, and beautiful words ever written in the English language.

No one can catch the fluttering of your heart when you first fall in love, or the sound of the waves hitting the ocean shore quite like a poet can.

I miss poetry.

It was a huge part of my being in high school and later in the beginning years of college. But as time has gone on I have lost poetry.

I have lost all of my writer self.

I can only hope that somewhere in these words that I jot down every day that I can find it again. I hope that somehow if I write enough words, I will resurrect a part of myself that has been buried under graded papers, late nights, and an exhaustion so deep that I feel it in my bones.

I hope that I have not lost the poetry and the stories within me forever.

For Garrett, My Love

My Love,

This morning while you were asleep,

I lay there watching you.

You were so peaceful,

I didn’t want to disturb you,

but I couldn’t wait

for your ocean blue eyes

to open

and look at me,

and crinkle at the corners

as you smiled at me.

And so,

I shook you,

gently at first

but then harder and faster

as you grumbled at me

that it was too early to be awake.

But then,

your eyes opened,

and I was smiling at you,

excited to spend the day with you.

You couldn’t resist,

and slowly,

your ocean blue eyes crinkled in the corners

your mouth opened wide in a silly grin,

And I knew,

that you loved me, too.

Why I Love My Cats

I have two cats, Rory and Chloe.

This is Chloe.

I had Chloe first. She was a present to me on my 21st birthday from my ex. My ex and I were living together in an apartment in Farmington during the school year. During the summer he lived with his parents in Augusta Monday-Friday because he had a job at the hospital there. So Chloe was my company. She and I loved each other immediately. We found her at the humane society. The staff there said that she was very shy and that when I met her she would most likely hide. She sat next to me on the windowsill the entire time I was there. I took her home with me that day. Six months later my ex broke up with me. Chloe slept by me all night and every night after. When I moved into an apartment by myself she was my constant companion. She is very quiet and very sweet. She only meows when you pick her up. She has never once scratched me. When she bites it is only a love nibble. She loves having her butt scratched.

This is Rory.

Next came Rory. I was working very long hours at work and my husband, Garrett worked full time as a CNA. We worried that Chloe was lonely during the day. When we came home she would rush to the door to greet us and follow us around seeking attention for hours. This was not like her. While not a standoffish cat she was always before very independent. So we decided to adopt another cat. Our friends informed us that they had just adopted a kitten from a woman whose cat had a litter. The woman said that if the last kitten wasn't adopted she was going to put him outside. It was winter and the weather had consistently been -20. So we adopted Rory. Rory is the cuddliest cat I have ever owned. In the mornings when the alarm goes off he runs in to snuggle on my chest and rub his head on my face. In the evening when Garrett and I come home from work he follows us around meowing until we pet his head. After dinner he curls up in my arms to sleep while I watch tv. On my days off, when I am writing, he jumps on the computer and sits there until I put him in my lap. He is ALWAYS purring and it is LOUD.

Between the two of them there is never a dull moment in my apartment. One of them is always doing something cute, funny, or annoying. There is a constant game of chase going on as Rory enjoys chasing Chloe all over the apartment.

Without Chloe I don't think that I would be the person I am today. And without Rory all of our lives would be boring. I love them both so very much.

My New Planner and Books

So I had some gift cards to Amazon from Christmas and I used them to invest in my writing. One of the first things I bought was a planner. I realized that I needed a place to write down every day what I had to do so that I could then plan when I would have time to write. Here is the planner I bought:

Now I wasn't thrilled about the cover at first. It was a little too cliché for me but I decided to order it because it had both the monthly view and the weekly view. Plus I liked that each day is broken down by times from 6am to 9pm. That was about then my day started and ended every day. Here is what the weekly view looks like when you open it up:

I have to say that I love it! There is so much in here that is useful. First, there is a section at the beginning for you to list out your goals for the year. Then there is a page for each goal to work out what steps you will take to achieve each goal and what the deadline will be for each step. I spent two hours yesterday planning out my goals, my objectives, my deadlines, and my week. Afterwards I felt ready to conquer the world. I finally feel like I have a plan or at least a place to make a plan.

I still have a lot of work to go and I know that but I no longer feel like I am floundering around in the deep end without a life jacket (excuse the cliché). I also bought a few books because of course any time I want to really learn something (how to ace the PraxisII, how to plan a wedding, how to start a freelance writing career) I buy books on it. So far this strategy has not failed.

The books I will be exploring:

How to Blog a Book by Nina Amir

The Essential Guide to Freelance Writing by Zachary Petit

Starting Your Career as a Freelance Writer by Moira Allen

The Poet's Market 2016

The Novel & Short Story Writer's Market 2016

The Writer's Market 2016

The first three books I found on Amazon and in Books-A-Million through google searches and reading reviews. The Writer's Market was suggested by Starting Your Career as a Freelance Writer and I figured I might as well buy the other two. especially since I tend to write mostly poetry and short stories. If my career goes well I may as purchase The Literary Agent Market. But right now I don't believe I have written enough content to need an agent. 

I am very excited!

Back to Work

When I started this blog I was on Christmas vacation. Tomorrow I will go back to work. I am hoping to continue my writing even after I return to work. I need to make a commitment to it just like I have made a commitment to so many other things in my life. In order to do that I will need to manage my time more wisely both while at work and the time I have after work. I always have time to myself after work is over and before Garrett gets home. That is prime time to work on things.

So here is how I am hoping my Monday will look:
7:20-7:50 Homeroom (On the clock at work)
7:50-8:50 Class 1 (Work)
8:50-9:50 Class 2 (Work)
9:50-10:30 Planning time (Grade papers)
10:30-11:10 Planning time (Grade papers)
11:10-11:45 Class 3 (Work)
11:45-12:15 Lunch
12:15-12:45 Activity Period
12:45-1:45 Class 4 (Work)
1:45-2:10 Bus duty (Work)
2:10-3:10 Grade Papers
3:15-4:00 Write for myself (This includes blogging, a story, a poem, Textbroker or whatever else I am working on)

Tuesday I won't have as much time during the day to work on grading papers but I think I can still devote an hour to grading after school and devote 45 minutes or more to writing. In the past I have found staying after school every day for an hour to grade was very productive and it kept me from getting behind and stressed. I am behind on grading now as it is but I think that if I make some smart choices on what to grade and if I work efficiently in my hour after school I can get caught up quickly.

I know that I can do this.